According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
