My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize