I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
