So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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