I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
