she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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