so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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