So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
