you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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