Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
