so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
