My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I want to have your abortion
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize