I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
