I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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