My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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