Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
