Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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