You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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