I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
