i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
