You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
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