He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
