You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
