I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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