i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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