I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
