u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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