Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
