Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
