Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
