i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
