Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
