I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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