Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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