I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
