so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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