Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
