found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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