i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
