I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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