1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize