youre lurking in front of me
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
