He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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