whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he thought i was a dude.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Even my vagina gasped.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
