you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
