She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
