yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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