I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
