"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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