I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
