You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
