I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
