What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
