if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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