I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize