Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
