apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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