ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
