I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
