he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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