Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
