My hair reeks of homosexuality.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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