I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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