If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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