Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
