How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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