she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
