I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
