i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
