i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
