just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize