So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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