I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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