Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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