Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We just shotgunned beers for America
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
