I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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