just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
