So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
