the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
