Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
