It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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