she was so not down for the gang bang
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
