so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
