How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
