u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i out mim tonsoeep
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize