Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
