you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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