I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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