You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
