that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
