If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize