is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
