Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
