Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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