Do you still have your period?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
